icicle Christmas lights
Words on outside of Christmas Icicle light box:
“Hours of holiday cheer for the family!”
Words that SHOULD be on the front of Christmas lights box:
Warning: Hanging these lights seems like a good idea now.
Warning: You can have the Christmas spirit, or you can have Christmas icicle lights: Not both.
Warning: Do not attempt to say anything nice while hanging lights; it will come out mean and nasty.
Warning: Do not carry a firearm while hanging lights if others will be near you.
Warning: This box of lights represents 3 or more hours you will never get back.
Warning: Our teenage warehouse workers have folded these lights so that they will never resemble icicles, no matter how many times you pull on them.
Warning: These icicle lights should be called “Tumbleweed Lights.”
Warning: It is not possible to hang lights and maintain Christianity at the same time.
Warning: The bulbs in this box do not all work. However, they are guaranteed to work fine when you check them in the wall socket before hanging them.
Warning: You do not have enough of those little light hanger dealies.
Warning: The parts you need ARE NOT included in this box.
Warning: Your children have never seen you act like you are about to.
Warning: No matter what system you devised last year for hanging these lights, it will not work this year.
And finally…
Our promise to you, the consumer: The smile on your children’s faces will almost make it worth it. But not quite.
dangerous Breeze
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